All posts by Ryan

Three Requirements: Trust. Commitment. Surrender

My clients weren’t getting what I thought they could. I didn’t know why.

They would jump ship, often right before a breakthrough.

Or postpone working together.

So, I would try harder and harder. New techniques. More training. More ‘free hours’ with them.

Didn’t help.

Now, admittedly, the places that people say they want to go with me are confronting. Scary.

But I listened to two pieces of advice by those who have gone before.

First, Ben Rode. “We require three things of our clients: Trust, commitment, and surrender.”

Second, by Steve Chandler, “There is a price at which people are ‘seasoning their lives’ with a bit of coaching. And there is another price at which they commit to transformation.”

Third, by Brian Whetten, “Coaching success comes from three things. 10% coaching skills. 30% the coach’s presence. And 60% from client commitment.”

And the last piece: It’s they who are responsible for their results. Not I.



How to make sure my clients were committed?

I took the plunge. I talked to current and possible clients this week, and I named, what were for me, *stratospheric* prices.

Something amazing happened.

All of the conversations were very powerful. So much more energy was present. They thanked me. Profusely.

And, a couple of them said, “Yes.” To fees which they had no idea how to pay, but they committed to finding a way. Because they could see and trust themselves, their goals, and that I would support them in getting there.

One person has been coaching with me for months. Since I told her I was raising her fees over 10x (and she happily agreed), she has had more results in five days than in all of our work before that combined.

It’s changed her thinking about herself. Money. Power. Time.

All of these beliefs are shifting. Just by charging a lot more money.

And my job got much easier. No more pushing. They are in.

Trust. Commitment. Surrender.

Trust: To the process. To their dreams. To really achieving them.

Commitment: To the path, no matter how difficult.

And surrender: To be open to try new things, be in beginner’s mind, and let go.

Please, get rich

When I first found ‘my’ spirituality, I brought my beliefs about money into it:

  • Love of money is the root of all evil (better not have too much!)
  • Easier for the camel to get through the eye of the needle than a rich man into heaven
  • By asking for money for my work, I deprive people who have little/none of my service


  • Money was responsible for my parents fighting/divorce
  • Money is used to make weapons to kill people
  • Money is used to keep people in poverty

Guess how my finances looked when I was really feeding these beliefs?

A few years ago, I was even seriously considering going ‘off grid’…moving up to some mountain and living without money.

However, God then said, “Ryan, I want you to move to the most expensive city in the US.”

Alright. Better figure out this money thing.

What I learned was that money is just a tool. Like a table. Or chair. Or calculus.

It’s a concept of organization we use. It has no volition. Money doesn’t go *do* anything on its own. It has no moral imperative.

*People* do things with money.

And, if we don’t like the things that some people do with money, or the world around us as affected by money, how do we change them?

By staying poor and begging them to change?

Or by bringing more and more money under our control so we can use it to influence the world in ways we want?

Then I began to see all the positive things money does and that rich people do.

I conducted a ‘money forgiveness process’ to let go of my grudges and anger and fear around money.

I had my first $10k coaching month shortly thereafter.

And I began to see how so much of what we all can do to serve others and the world around us is limited and stopped by our fears and beliefs around money. Especially with healers, coaches, counselors, and others seeking to serve and do good.

So, despite the fact that my favorite things to teach often have to do with healing, client work, relating, sexuality, etc…I started sharing more and more about my breakthroughs with money, business, sales, and healing those beliefs. If we don’t get our money stuff handled in this society, our effectiveness is simply limited. That’s all there is to it.

Get my “5 Keys to a $10k/month practice” on (you can get it on the right of that page) for you if you want to know how to build a large, successful, sustainable biz in our field–or anything dealing with people directly 1:1.

Please, get rich.

Get rich for yourself (how effectively can you help others when your tank is almost empty?).

Get rich for those you serve.

Get rich to magnify your energy for good in the world.

Let me know if you want help.

How One Small Weakness or Flaw can Invalidate Everything – Discipline and Humility

Discipline. It’s a word I hated for a very long time.

“Others making me do things.” That’s how it felt to me.

“I don’t want discipline! I don’t need discipline.

I am free!”

Wait a minute.

I have learned (in my old age)…

No matter your gifts and abilities…though you can do all miracles, know all things, and have all power …

If you have one character flaw, bad habit, or weakness…

It can all be useless.

That weakness can destroy or invalidate all the rest, if it isn’t handled.

The worst part?

Often, as a gifted superstar, you won’t even see it.

You will continue ‘being great’ and making miracle after miracle and yet never figure out why your results are mediocre or worse.

Thus comes the discipline. And the humility.

Humility to find out what you are lacking–from those who care about you and can see you clearly.

And discipline to work on it until it is no longer in the way.

3 months?
6 months?
A couple years?

Are you willing to put in that time to develop that weakness, overcome that flaw, and move through that habit–to get what you really want?

Even if it takes that long?

The Million Dollar Session

If you had a client come to you and say,

“I have one million dollars that I need to spend with you in a single day. What will that day look like?”

What would you say?

The exercise of creating the million-dollar session can be very powerful for focusing yourself into everything you have to offer–all your superpowers and all your gifts.

How would your client need to prepare? How long beforehand?

How would you need to prepare? What pampering would you do with yourself? Would you have a chauffeur? Or would you arrive in a helicopter? Or would they come to you?

How would the experience go?

What senses would be involved?

What stages would the session have? How long would they take?

Where would it need to be? What ambience? What nature? What kind of building?

The 420 Strategy

Yesterday we talked about Tracy’s situation.

Today, I want to talk about the way forward. Specifically, I want to talk about the strategy for getting ‘the mainstream’ folk on board with the healing we all so desperately need.

This is my story.

I was praying and meditating about how to reach millions with this healing? How are we going to make sacred and healthy sexuality and intimacy as easy and safe to practice and learn as yoga is today?

That night, I had a dream where I was with my dearest friends in a dark cottage. I was sobbing with them about ‘finding my way home’.

I smelled the pungency of pot in the air.

I woke up, it was 4:20 AM.

Since then, I have been seeing 420 everywhere.

I wondered “What has marijuana got to do with healing sexuality?”

I thought of all sorts of possibilities, but none of them made sense. Until I found this magazine in Las Vegas:

It’s a magazine about *medical* pot usage. It appeals to the masses–“help your football players get healthy by using medical marijuana!”. It’s education. It’s support.

I thought about how the FIGHT for sexual freedom is very similar to the battle for the right to use the plants which God has provided.

That battle raged for a looong time until those who wanted legalization found the way to get support and sympathy from the public:

**Appeal to those who want the sick to heal.**

This means: kids with leukemia. Mothers dying of cancer. People suffering and who were not getting relief from hospital painkillers, or where those painkillers had tremendous side effects.

Everyone wants to help cancer sufferers, right?

Everyone cares for those who are sick, right?

And this has become the doorway. First, it was a medical ‘exemption’. Then, full-on legalization.

In Colorado and Washington State, people are not having ‘reefer madness’. Society hasn’t collapsed. Death and carnage do not reign supreme. People see that.

People can be trusted with freedom to use what they need for their bodies.

Soon, marijuana will be legal everywhere.

How does this apply to intimacy and sexuality training?

Who is suffering in our society?

  • The disabled
  • The infirm aged (bedridden and alone)
  • Veterans (22 veterans commit suicide per day, I have read)

And what heals like almost nothing else?

Connection. Touch. Affection.

Premature babies do much better when getting touch. There are studies. There is proof.


Why is cuddling as a business taking America by storm?

Because touch is a basic need.

We need to help people see that:

1. Touch *is* a basic need.

2. Those who do not have the ‘market value’ to get touch will go without it–and will be lonely, and suffer. And maybe even die.

3. There are many people willing to support those who otherwise would not have touch and healing.

4. We need to make touch as a ‘healing modality’ safe and easy to get for those who need it.

That is Phase I.

We need to come out of the shadows and begin educating and supporting people around getting touch in their lives as a first step to healthy sexuality (sex is, after all, another form of touch.)

We will talk about how we and others are doing that and can do it in the new group we are creating just for this purpose.

I personally am not satisfied with helping a few people get some relief and even some healing in the shadows. I want to change the conversation. I need to make this world a place worth living in both for myself and everyone else.

And the shift is already on.

Let me know if this resonates with you.