All posts by Ryan

The 420 Strategy

Yesterday we talked about Tracy’s situation.

Today, I want to talk about the way forward. Specifically, I want to talk about the strategy for getting ‘the mainstream’ folk on board with the healing we all so desperately need.

This is my story.

I was praying and meditating about how to reach millions with this healing? How are we going to make sacred and healthy sexuality and intimacy as easy and safe to practice and learn as yoga is today?

That night, I had a dream where I was with my dearest friends in a dark cottage. I was sobbing with them about ‘finding my way home’.

I smelled the pungency of pot in the air.

I woke up, it was 4:20 AM.

Since then, I have been seeing 420 everywhere.

I wondered “What has marijuana got to do with healing sexuality?”

I thought of all sorts of possibilities, but none of them made sense. Until I found this magazine in Las Vegas:

It’s a magazine about *medical* pot usage. It appeals to the masses–“help your football players get healthy by using medical marijuana!”. It’s education. It’s support.

I thought about how the FIGHT for sexual freedom is very similar to the battle for the right to use the plants which God has provided.

That battle raged for a looong time until those who wanted legalization found the way to get support and sympathy from the public:

**Appeal to those who want the sick to heal.**

This means: kids with leukemia. Mothers dying of cancer. People suffering and who were not getting relief from hospital painkillers, or where those painkillers had tremendous side effects.

Everyone wants to help cancer sufferers, right?

Everyone cares for those who are sick, right?

And this has become the doorway. First, it was a medical ‘exemption’. Then, full-on legalization.

In Colorado and Washington State, people are not having ‘reefer madness’. Society hasn’t collapsed. Death and carnage do not reign supreme. People see that.

People can be trusted with freedom to use what they need for their bodies.

Soon, marijuana will be legal everywhere.

How does this apply to intimacy and sexuality training?

Who is suffering in our society?

  • The disabled
  • The infirm aged (bedridden and alone)
  • Veterans (22 veterans commit suicide per day, I have read)

And what heals like almost nothing else?

Connection. Touch. Affection.

Premature babies do much better when getting touch. There are studies. There is proof.


Why is cuddling as a business taking America by storm?

Because touch is a basic need.

We need to help people see that:

1. Touch *is* a basic need.

2. Those who do not have the ‘market value’ to get touch will go without it–and will be lonely, and suffer. And maybe even die.

3. There are many people willing to support those who otherwise would not have touch and healing.

4. We need to make touch as a ‘healing modality’ safe and easy to get for those who need it.

That is Phase I.

We need to come out of the shadows and begin educating and supporting people around getting touch in their lives as a first step to healthy sexuality (sex is, after all, another form of touch.)

We will talk about how we and others are doing that and can do it in the new group we are creating just for this purpose.

I personally am not satisfied with helping a few people get some relief and even some healing in the shadows. I want to change the conversation. I need to make this world a place worth living in both for myself and everyone else.

And the shift is already on.

Let me know if this resonates with you.

Tracy Elise vs Nicole Daedone

Tracy Elise, of the Phoenix Goddess Temple, was convicted on all counts of things that would make a Mafia Boss blush.

An Enemy of the State who refused to kiss the Ring of Power, those at the top are determined to make an example of her. She now faces a prison term. We don’t know for how long.

It’s a tragedy for the whole community.

Colleagues say:

“She wasn’t doing anything wrong!”
“She was in the right!”
“Consenting adults should be able to do whatever they want!”

I hear you.

I don’t know exactly what happened in the Temple. A number of my friends worked there and have reported various things. And, I am going to assume that Tracy is motivated to heal and support others, as we all are:

She isn’t into sexual healing to make a quick buck.
She wasn’t there to traffic young women into selling their bodies for cash.
She is here to heal and change the world.

So, why the prison sentence? Is the system corrupt?


Is this part of a massive conspiracy against pleasure?

You betcha.

And, could she have done things differently?


A couple quotes come to mind. “Agree with your enemy quickly, because otherwise you are going to get taken to jail.” (paraphrased)

“He was right, dead right, as he sped along. But he’s just as dead as if he were wrong.”

And, finally, “The way of the fool is right in his own eyes.”

There are three people involved in every transaction.

1. You
2. Your client
3. The greater community.

Tracy didn’t seem to understand #3.

Tracy made strategic mistakes, which led to tactical ones. And, ultimately, they led to the situation she is in now.

I admire her bravery. I admire her courage. And, though I have often thought I would die for what I believe, I can’t help but think it isn’t going to help people much if I am stuck in prison, regardless of the rightness of my cause. My scope of influence will be reduced.

If you are reading this, you probably are interested in sexuality, sexual education, and sexual healing.

Either you are practicing. Or you are teaching. Or you know that this needs to happen.

Each of us gets to decide whether we: change to a ‘safer’ career path, end up in jail, eek along with a living, live in fear of arrest, or end up creating and being part of a movement that touches millions of lives.

If you want to change the world in a big way, you must understand the greater community–and that is the one that Tracy seems not to understand.

Whatever you think about Nicole Daedone–One Taste has found a way to adapt to the world it is in, and still create and teach the structures that are healing sexual guilt and shame in the bigger community. And, by the way, it made $6.5 *million* dollars last year in the effort.

So what do we learn from these two examples?

1. It pays to get lots of good advice and support.
2. Our success lies within knowing ourselves, our clients, AND the world in which we are living and operating.

Why do I say this? Part of my mission is helping you fulfill yours–if your mission is around sexuality. We are changing the world, one person at a time. And we are doing it *together*.

One way to do this is to join a small group I am putting together to discuss the deeper strategy of *how* to create the world we want. We are not going to do it alone–none of us. All of our gifts and magic is needed. And the rewards for stepping fully into our light are beyond what we can comprehend.

If you feel called to be a part of this transformation–call me or reply to this mail. We are gathering a group who will change things in a very big way. Wisely. Intelligently. Powerfully.

What do you think? Are you in?

Dealing with Money $%^&

So many of us respond to something we want with ‘I can’t afford it’!

If I told you all the stuff I have done and do even though ‘I can’t afford it’, your jaw would drop.

Would you like to clear your money $%^& so you can get what you actually want?

Here’s a powerful process I use.

First, *decide what it is you want*.

Most of us don’t allow ourselves to *really want* anything that we feel we can’t get. We think it’s painful. (I wonder where we learned that desire is painful?) I have learned that NOT desiring is MORE painful!

Look at a 5-year-old. Do they allow themselves to want things that they are being denied or can’t get?


And what happens?

Parents weaken. Grandma shows up. SOMEONE gives them what they want, sooner or later.

Why? Because they know how to ask and they don’t give up. We *learned* to stop wanting and not ask anymore.

“Except you become like little children, you can’t live in the kingdom of God”.

Time to go BACK to that space. Here’s how you do it.


Step 1: ALLOW yourself to WANT whatever you want. Truly. Deeply. Powerfully. Let it vibrate and resonate within you. Feel the EMOTIONS and SENSATIONS and FEELINGS that you would feel if you had that thing. IMAGINE your life as you EXPERIENCE it. Allow yourself to be consumed with these feelings.

Step 2: BECOME AWARE of how things are right *now*. Really *feel it* in your bones. Feel the fear, if it is there. Feel the sadness, if it is there. Feel the rage of being denied or held back! Really allow yourself to deep dive into the feelings of WANTING what you want and the gap between THAT and reality, whatever those feelings are. Give yourself time for this.

(By the way, if you WANT something, it’s because you can have it.)

Step 3: LIST all the reasons you believe you can’t have what you want. Write them all down. Then put a number from 1-10 next to them about how TRUE they feel. 10=totally true.

THEN, have a conversation with yourself about each of these BELIEFS. Examine them. Talk to yourself about them.

“Is this true?” “Am I sure?” Start there and have a ‘back and forth’ with the part of you that believes that.

Limiting beliefs can *always* be deconstructed.

Do that until you resolve each of the beliefs down to 2 or less out of 10.

Step 4: Take WHATEVER action you feel inspired to to move toward your desire.

Step 5: LET GO. Let God/Higher Self do his/her/its thing.

That’s it!

In summary, to get what you want:

1. Imagine what you want and how HAVING IT would feel, in detail.

2. Feel where you are now deeply.

3. List all the reasons #1 can’t happen.
Talk to yourself about each of those reasons until you see they are nonsense.

4. Take whatever action you are inspired to take.

5. Let go.

I’m loving the opportunity to present these ideas in context for a purpose. Try it out!

Straight to Enrollment Convo or Initial Chats first?

I was talking to someone today who had done a lot of business training. They were advised by their coach to set up a one or two hour sales conversation with every person who wanted to talk to them.

You may want to do that, but I find some sort of qualification is important. If you don’t know someone, what they want, who they are, it’s better to start with some sort of an initial chat, I find.

Take 20 to 30 minutes to find out who someone is and what they need. After that, you can set up an appointment for the correct amount of time with that person. Or not, as the case may be.

This dramatically reduces the pressure on you and them. It prevents you from wasting time with people who can’t help. It prevents them from spending time with you if you won’t be able to serve them.

As your business gets bigger and bigger, this may become a smaller time, or you may do some filtering via email.

Do you have any questions at all about sales or sales conversations with your clients? If so, contact me.

Am I OK how I am?

Our friendship was on the laser’s edge. We had had great conversations. But I felt our friendship collapsing. And I didn’t know why. The ‘advice’ I had given him recently, while feeling good at the time, had thrown his system into chaos today.

And I didn’t know why.

In the last minute, I suddenly ‘got it’. I said what I needed to say. He felt much better. And our connection deepened.

And I was a different man.

This is such a deep lesson to me and it took many, many mistakes with clients, friends, and partners before I finally got it, and I felt like a giant weight was lifted off of me.

The question is: Am I OK how I am?

When someone comes to us with some kind of distress, often the question deep down is:

  • Am I broken?
  • Am I defective?
  • Is how I am ‘wrong’?

Incredibly difficult questions to ask, rooted in deep shame.

And, my response to those, for years, has been to find the source of their discomfort and to alleviate it via…

  • new techniques
  • better “ideas”
  • empathy

…and so on.

But, the fundamental truth is that: You are perfect. You are exactly who and what you need to be right now.

You are perfect in which the way the sapling is as perfect as the mighty oak.

Just as perfect as the six-year-old is to the sixty-year-old.

Which is ‘better’? Which is ‘done’? Which is ‘perfect’?

Obviously, neither. The six-year-old is at the perfect stage of development for himself. The sixty-year-old as well. They are both vital and powerful parts of their community.

And they don’t need to change anything.

And neither do you!

So, instead now, I come from a space of: you are perfect as you are, of course. Nothing to be ashamed of. And nothing that ‘needs’ changing.

When we come from that space, anything we wish to change comes from a space of play and experimentation, rather than defect and a I-must-correct-this attitude.

And the results are unimaginably different in this energy as opposed to the energy of shame.

Most of our suffering about a situation comes from our wanting that situation to be different. And a lot of that ‘wanting’ is the result of shame.

Being able to accept the perfection of ‘right now’ allows us both to enjoy where we are and take steps to have things different later.